I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
