1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just google imaged poop.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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