tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
