those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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