The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
