i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
