i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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