Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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