if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
