its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
