Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
