Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
