If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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