hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
