i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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