get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
