When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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