I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
