This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
are you so shy because you have an std?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
