I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
