a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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