Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Shame - the story of my life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize