Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
