last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
