The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
