that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
