any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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