does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
