dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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