In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
