How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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