mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize