You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize