I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
