If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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