Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
