people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
