bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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