Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
