SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
