I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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