he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
