Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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