Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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