Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
