I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
