We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I will be naked everywhere
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
