I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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