absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize