Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
