i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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