I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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