Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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