Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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