We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
