Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
