she was so not down for the gang bang
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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