Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
