I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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