it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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