Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
