Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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