I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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