...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
