escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
