Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
