im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
