sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
