i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
