I have demons in me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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