Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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